Living in Uncertainty

Jaden has learned a few new words that I would have preferred him not know…especially from real life.  Words such as “tank”, “armored truck”, “soldier”, “guard”, and “gun” are now a real part of his vocabulary and a real part of what he sees each day.  Whenever we go to the grocery store he is accustomed to waving at the man standing inside the tank.

This last incident really hit home for me.  I had been wanting to make it to a morning market to buy vegetables.  Everyone has been telling me that it is much cheaper to buy produce and meat directly from the farmers that drive into the market in the morning.  But it is usually only open for an hour very early in the morning.  So I have been trying to find someone who would go with me.  The market that was hit would have been an option for me and a friend to go to.

This time was also different because there was a rumor that foreigners caused it.  That our influence was the reason for such terrible acts.  In times past, there was a sense of relief in knowing that it wasn’t our fight.  But now, there seems to be a bit more of a target on our backs as we are looked upon with suspicion.

Random is nerve-wracking when you really think about it.  And it can instill a great fear in your heart that could keep you from going anywhere.  But random is never what the Father sees.  Nothing is random or unexpected for Him and that gives me a great amount of peace and hope.

Now that we are here again and each incident occurs in a place of familiarity there is a caution that rises up within me.  I can easily picture what happened and picture my family there as well.  But I praise the Father for guarding my heart and mind because these pictures are fleeting compared with the brokenness I feel for those that live here without Hope.  They have no One to trust to guard their hearts and minds, to give them hope and take away the fear that can grow from deep inside.  For them, random will always be terrifying and trust will be a luxury they can’t afford.

Therefore, for me, this new life of extreme uncertainty has a silver lining.  It keeps my eyes open to the care and protection I need to depend on from the Father.  It keeps me from falling asleep to His daily provision of keeping “random” at bay.  It keeps me on my knees for my family and it provides opportunity to teach Jaden not to fear man.

So what does our part look like?  Well, the international community of people here in our city tries to communicate with each other as much as possible.  The city gov. is very good at reporting incidents via text messages within a few hours of it happening.  Since these are usually vague at best we depend on friends both local and expat to forward all the rumors.  We then go to the Father for discernment and stay away from popular public areas.

Last weekend we did go out but we stayed nearby and when we ventured a little farther we rode Josh’s bike and our destination was within a school campus (friends were playing soccer at the Medical Univ.).  As time has past (a week now) we have returned to our normal routines and activities.  At the same time, we try to stay aware of those around us and keep our eyes open to anything out of the ordinary.  We continue to try and make friends wherever we go regularly in hopes that if they sense something is amiss they will alert us as well.

I truly appreciate all your prayers for safety.  We believe with our whole heart that there is no safer place than directly in the will of the Father and we feel like He has commanded us to be here.  In our desire to be obedient we have come and brought our son.  We trust that He has a great plan for the people here and I am grateful to give Jaden an opportunity to see the blessings of obedience and the excitement that can come from a life following our Father.